kellbellx33

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 06:02:38 GMT

so over the past week ive have a lot of surprises.
im not to good at surprises but i guess everything met its reality.. if that makes sense.
2 lives in 1?
not secret, but kinda?
i duno what im trying to say lol but really you dnt know what you got til its gone--
ellen and leigh are gone; i duno how long ill see em again and its sad.
i leave tmrw for a month and i duno what to do.
i want to see my friends more than anything and hang out with my mom before i go. i have so much to say before i go that theres just no more time for ANYTHING, so many different ppl to hang out with but only like 10 i really want to see.
scratch the want.. make it need to see.

i dont think i can go away again for a month,
yeah ill have fun, but its not the same
my knee has been bothering me from time to time and its gonna suck having to serve, running table to table and having my knee give out on me.
i miss my friends already and im not even gone yet
samma started at auntie annes today and it was nice to have another normal person there hahah

i have so much to shop for still and no room to put any of it.
i already packed my big bag, a small suitcase, my big silver bag and my purse and still havent gotten the essencial things hahaa, what am i to do?!?!

i dont understand how one person can have so many different emotions.
-lost-lonely-confused-stressed-happy-excited-nervous-sad-bummed
all at the same time.

please pray for me
&&/or write me...

kelly rumbold
young like's lake champion
247 mohican lake rd
glen spey, ny 12737

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 06:37:37 GMT

blah, i so i just want to say.. some ppl never change.

my mom and i bonded over my dad? hah funny thingg
i got all upset and she actually understood; i dont no why its such a big deal to me- youd think id be used to it by now

7 yrs later- hes the same person but now fake
just like my sister and everyone else who is around her.
i love her but not around them- i wish someone else could see what she does to him

im not bitching about my dad cause im lucky to have him there for me but its just hard to watch ppl change in front of my eyes around one person and completely different in front of everyone else.

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 05:41:34 GMT

ahh!! im so excited for whats to come this summer.
tonight was just so chill and relaxing;
im really sad that im leaving though, i lvoe my friends more than anything--but getting away form tonawanda opens up a new door. its hard to explain.
i hate being at my house; its not bad, dont get me wrong, but my mom just doesnt understand anthing-its nice to be out of her reach for a little bit.
things are just starting to shock me, in less than a week and a half i will be home.. and proly crying from being overwhelmed :]
and in 3 weeks not only will i be able to drive past 9 but ill be spending a month will strangers -like 6 ppl i know. im excited and nervous, ill be serving the camp teens/kids their food and hopefully not dropping it! haha
if you could, pray for me when i go, letters/ care packages are always welcomee :] address proly on facebook and what not, all i know is that its on mohican lake road and in glen spey, new york

thanks for always being there for me; i really appreciate it

what a great day!

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 20:35:35 GMT

today was great. i basically did nothinggg.
chem demo tmrw-- i have to compare to katie b HAH
i pretty much gona fail all my exams cause i just dont care i wont study as i usually would.
i dont feel like myself. im letting myself go with my faith and my body. im ok more so with the faith which is weird but i cant stand that im letting my body go.
once exams are over i will feel great :D
ellen and leigh(friends from ohio) might just be coming in july 7th to july 11th i hopeee im excited for them to see tonawanda ha and how greatt it is lol
then camp 12th to the 18th of july.. my birthday july 22nd and wc july 25th to august 23rd? i thinkkk
oh man i want more summer time. i want to hang out with my friends i love them more than anything and i couldnt ask for better ones.. caus ethey dont exist :]
ahhhh 2 days of school left!!
seniors? mehh
work tonight.. come to the mall :] and visitttt

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 20:32:04 GMT

hahaaha so just read gretchens entry haha sums up a lot.
apchem test trw and math
TIE DYEEEEEE!!!! and stuffed shells tomrw :D
oh boy!
cant wait.
and getting my nails done at 6 annnnd working on cleaning my carpets, so my room can get done! :)

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 12:51:04 GMT

i love when half my friends ignore me.
real cool.

today...

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 03:47:56 GMT

i woke up and forgot to do my moms laundry last night :( i felt like the worst daughter ever.
so i cleaned the house to try and make up for it, deb was in a good mood though when she came home.. she called me and bought me my bathing suittt online.
i went to coldstone for the first time with steph todayy. it was soo good. and soo filling.
i then went tanning and then worked til 10.

i dont feel like im doing anything with myself, like for myself, like i dunt even no how to phrase it.. i want to be healthy but i cant.
i try so hard, i start working out and knee doesnt like that too much. so it decides to feel weird and move around and make me sick, i cant control what i eat, i try and i feel like i do so good until something gross and free comes my way.
sorry its a big battle in my head-- i dont want to be skinny miney i just want to be healthy and fit.
speaking of minney lol he called me tonight, kinda funny, weird and i duno anymore. i get jealous when other ppl no more about him than me and i find things out from everyone else cause he likes calling ppl that im with to hang out and i just want to explode.
sorry. today was a really great day, ijust need to work some stuff out and proly start on my AP chem. dun dun dun.
NIGHT FOO's :D

report cards...

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 02:49:03 GMT

came and deb was super happy and txted me saying "great report card!" haha it made my night.

had to share that hah

things are looking up :]

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 02:43:43 GMT

soo. today i booked my train ticket to OH to visit my friend ellen for her grad party. ill be leaving june 6th at 11:59pm to getting there at 5:55am
ill be leaving there june 10th at 3:50am :O and getting here at 9:30am
im nervous to travel by myself, yet pumped. im motivated and really nervous about meeting her friends and family and seeing her!! =D its been too long. itll be 10 mnths.

tomrw my friend jess from wc is coming in from syracuse
ill introduce her to mighty and loganberry and maybe mississippi muddss hah and then theres a bible study at the salts house at 330
dinner at the grents? i duno.

i still have to get a bathing suit for this summaaa and a few more things for my room
cant wait til its done :]
then im having ppl over to leave their "mark" ask me if you wanna no what im talking about lol

today, went shopping with steph at the galleria and then tanning which felt greattt then shopping with my mom then dinner with her at squires, and to mighty with casey and sk after a chilling walkkk in my nice new $5 flats :] when really sk really wanted to rollerblade hah oh how i missed her.

good dayyy, things are looking upppppp

didnt go to work casue my mom didnt want me putting pressure on my knee- since it kinda popped out haha i love my legggg

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 23:23:09 GMT

was a good day
time to finish up my room. maybe go tanning lataaa. depends what time my mom gets home from work. proly like 11. if anyone wants to goooo :]

about last entry.

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 18:25:16 GMT

didnt mean it that bad. i ts just everytime i depend on someone.. they always let me down, no matter what. im left alone. i miss having that best friend that would do anything with me no matter what ppl said or they wanted to do. maybe thats just old. i guess its juts cool to do what is "cool". i duno.
money sucks, i have none. my car search is going down to nothing. my mom wont help me pay, i wont be getting a car for a while.
i wish more people were going to camp
i wish my room was done so i had a bed to sleep in.
i wish i didnt work so much so im exhausted and sick all the time.
i wish i wasn't so grumpy.

im sorry.
now i have to go to work for another 6 hours today and then tomrw 9 and a half. cool.
i duno anymore. ive lost myself, my friends, my boyfriend..

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 16:23:09 GMT

i love when my friends tell me absolutely nothing.
cool.

things could be looking up..?

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 01:52:36 GMT

soo. chris wants to give us a second chance. great right? just what i wanted.. so why so i feel better but dont think it can happen?
like its what i want but i never see him.
i mean i dont remember the last time we hung out. even when we were dating, and what if we start dating again well see eachother a lot in the beginning but what about after another month or two? then what? ill go through this again? i cant keep hurting maybe. maybe i guard my heart too much. a quality i hate. i cant just "let go"
i duno i want to be with him so much. maybe im dreaming when i fall in love. if that makes sence.
like i think love is this fairy tale where your with him every second and cant live without him, then how come a fell in love and wanted that but never had it.. i felt a million worlds away.
"long distance" not really. but i never see him. i dont know aht to do.
i work too much. and when i AM off, hes working.
i just want to be back at saranac where we met and go there so i can see him whenEVER i want to. and fall in love at first sight. yes. i do believe.
i dont know. i just dont.
im drained from work. im getting sick because of someone who was coughing on me all during chorus and it sucks. i worked 10 hours today and 6 yesterday and the day before on top of school,
our backroom was robbed $744-- planned well since its a saturday but not well enough because of the kid that closed didnt have keys to drop off the other $1000 of the money in the sade in the back that was robbed. coincidence? i think everything happens for a reason. i really do believe it. its creepy and scary but everything will fall into its own place and i need to learn to put more my trust in god and not into my own hands.

sorry this was long but all this was bothering me.
i refuse to finish my chem also. lol its draining me even more and i gave up and threw my book after punching it. i was soo frustrated.
DONT TAKE APCHEM. EVERRRR

but i will be seeing this kid i did work crew with at camp. hes really hott and i cant wait! haha.
thats a plus. but it wouldnt be too great if no one was there to creep with me at camp. please go. i need someonee. everyone says they will but never do. it hurts.

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 02:46:56 GMT

like me lately. i feel like ive been hanging around with someone a shouldnt and its making me into someone im not.
i mean like today when i should have stayed after for chem and i didnt.. thats not me at all. but i didnt have my book and i felt lost without my notes and stuff. I SHOULD HAVE STAYED AFTER.
now im trying to do the homeowrk that i dont get and i wont be in class tmrw.
SWEET. i havent been making the right decisions, but im trying to look at the positive. key word=trying.
i keep thinking about last week and i need to stop, this week im trying to be in a better mood. i really am.
My grades i think are going up.. or i just think im getting stuff at a better understanding-up until tonight.
I got a little bit more done in my room.. so i can continue that tomrw.
club is tomrw and i duno if chris is gona be there.. ugh. its gona be soo hard. i miss him like crazy and i just want one of those running hugs where he picks me up and holds me liek hes never gona let me go.. but ill be lucky if he even says hi.

I have been let down from my guard. I feel like i have no friends lately, maybe cause im lonely, but i duno.
im sorry i didnt mean it like that i just need ppl right now more than ever but i feel like they dont need me. and i dont know who im referring to but iduno. i just want summer. i just want to be out of school. Where i can clear my head. hang out with whoever i want to and just have FUN.

well i should do my history review sheet since i dont get chem.

its been more than a year..

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 03:01:15 GMT

so im sitting here at sars.
so much has changed within me,
i think i want something but i dont, i feel like i need to do something but i just cant stick with it,
i listen to millionare dating show thing.--you think your fine until sunday nights-- you get lonely
i dont feel wanted.
im jealous cuase he doesnt want to hang out YET
he cant really talk to me without getting mad and either can i. maybe some things are meant to happen. maybe i just need to listen to my heart.
this is so hard. but it happened for the better?
no, i broke my glasses, ive hurt many ppl from being in bad moods.. in which im sorry for.
6 months was a long time for me. it means commitment, it scares me.
i miss him. i dont feel wanted, thats the worst.
i really do love him, but i cant be with him?
i duno this sucks.
he can hang out with other girls, and txt everyone else. but whatever. this is shit.
im shit
i need something
i want my old humble self back, i cant, i duno.
i WANT SUMMER
i need my friends the most to just forget and remind me who i am and what im here for.
i miss everyone.
i miss having that person to confide in me, to always be there for me, to make me feel comfortable, even in the most awkward positions.
im lonely. and im sorry but i just needed to VENT
haha vent. anyways. sorry

POSITIVE:
im out of my house
im tanning/burning
i worked out for the first time in forever
im redoing my room. if youd like to help call/txt it :]

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 03:03:17 GMT

im leaving for a week. good timing i guess? i duno im pumped to go. so pumped to go.
645am oh yes thats when i leave tmrw. which means i have to get up at 6ish. oh well.

i come back the day before my birthday and tehn fireworks :]
with my luck it will rain. lol

PEACE

i dont fucking no

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 04:15:54 GMT

i wish i wasnt bothered by people so much.
i wish i felt secure
i wish i had a boy.
i wish i felt wanted..

11:11 isnt enough time for all my wishes.

dont read. its weird lol

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 05:01:43 GMT

i dont no where i stand. im indecisive. ive never stuck with anything in my life. i dont no if i ever will. i jsut like get bored with people too easily rather then staying and i cant just trust. i guess i am DRAMATIC! yes i said it dramatic. but isnt everyone? like im overdratic so i wont be let down i guess.. hard to explain but whateve.

so basically. i just dont understand how ppl can just hate another person when they dont even know them. the one person that gets me through life my friends hate. and or find reasons to hate an di let it go for so long and just now its realllly getting to me.

i feel like i try to please ppl and i feel like i fail. a lot and i think thats why i just dont stick with everything. im sick of failing. but then i get myself in these situations. and then i get into bad moods blaming it on everyone else when its all on me. an my family issues.

i should stop lol ppl dont need to no this sorry. im in a weird thoguthful weird mood lol.

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 06:14:32 GMT

im so confused. finallY A "PERFECT" boy. but i just can't deal with it.
i dont trust myself. or anyone with that matter. whatever. i need to figure out some things.

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 21:46:44 GMT

hmpfhm..

well today was niiice. i got to go swimming :] with casey jean. and now im back at her casa..

umm.. yesterday was sars. that was good. but i scared myself i lil bit. but its all good. i love when sar has ppl over and her btw lol-- um before that was the dance recital. sk n ash n sam n everyone did so so good.. it was long tho. but it was also a dance recxital nothing out of the ordinary.

umm thats about it. my computers broken and i have so much hw that i dont want to f*ing doooo grr!

hah. what a day,

Wed, 30 May 2007 02:24:42 GMT

so today we gayyy. i was ready for a fight haha.
yeahhhh. um funny shit tho.
then after school me kc b n g walked to my house then met sar here and then gs dad picked us up to go to SMACK THAT TUESDAY! haha. i cant wait til next week :]
hit it hard
i love my friends.
um then b left early and we went to santoras YUM. i ate too much.
um came home and planting the flowers for my mom.. which made me feel better. i duno. like i feel so outa place with everyone cuz no one understands and liek i dunt even no and when i try to explain i make things confusing and then ppl r weirded out by me. grr.
um i talked to brian :] i havent rly in it seems a while. we played some bball hah. i havent played bball in a while it seems lol.
um tim just wont talk to me. sweeeet. :(
im so pissed. this is so gay. i suck at life.
umm,, idk. ppl r gay i got into a fight with my sister cuz shes gay and started screamimng at me n so my mom took her side? cool. just what i needed!
i have to do laundry. i havent worked out in like a week and i feel so lazyy. i widh i didnt live here. in my house. with my sister.- um my mom made me get off the phone with carl and he was acting weird.

um i have my spanish thing tmrw. 10:10. pray for me.

um tmrws also YL and i miss beth but ya no i guess ppl change? idk the word.

i wish things were like how they were last week as of tmrw but i wish i wasnt so stupid.
whatever i want summer to come and i just cant wait.
no regrets. still.
i just have to try to get myself outa this one..

another one bites the dust.

i respect my sar bear

Sat, 26 May 2007 20:30:19 GMT

so i wana make a correction on my last entry lol
it was caseys and sarahs game in maryvale!
and sarah was smiling the whole time and i love her oh so much!!
:]

Sat, 26 May 2007 02:26:19 GMT

tennis is AMAZING!
:]

um went to caseys game in maryvalle with gretchen n caseys momma
then went back to caseys.. ordered food..
then went to go play tennis at like 9 lol and got kicked out kinda lol
and then i got my monnnnster that i was dying forrrr! since lunch today
um now im at gretchens and sk came here also.

my foot hurts and now i have to wear sneakers alll the time :( boooo

um yeah i duno today was interstingggg :]

id like to find out a million things and i duno. life is oh so .. FUN lol idk the word.

optimistic time

Tue, 22 May 2007 00:22:31 GMT

im trying to make things better. i promise. just stick with me..

:]

Sat, 19 May 2007 15:37:27 GMT

so yesterday was the sr citizens prom!
that was so cute. i love old nice happy living life people. they make my year.
theyre getting out and doing something. having fun with what they have. its amazing.
but n e ways. i started to get a tummy ache towards the end.. it ended at like 1030 for cleanup..then i was gona stop over at trevorsbut i dint cuz- not gona lie i felt unwanted.
its just so stupid. i hate when ppl lie to me. and i hate when people dont care and when theyre bitchy and dont care becuz they have "better" people witrh them so they can act however they want. and makes me feel like shit. cool.
so i decided not to go. so i went home and drank some ginger ale and felt better x2563546. so i called clara to see what see was doing.. and i was planning on sleeping over there and then going "out".. so i asked my mom and she wouldnt let me hich is understandable.. i didnt care that she wouldnt.. just the reason she gave me for why i cudnt.. she said well i dont no what amys doing so i need you here in the morning.. so i told clara and like her dad cudve drove me home in the morning so i still cud but i was just sick of everyting i guess.. so i stayed home. but the reason i was upset with my moms reason is becuase it doesnt matter what i wnat ot do.. but that i have to work around my sisters scedhule. no. i dont do that. she does shit. and gets to do whatever. she lives here too.. she should have the same responsiblity i have. i am sacraficing things. and it seems that shes not. but my mom also said last night that she was doing more then me.. yeah thats becuz i did yard work and cut the grass everyday last week and she thought i was amy. this sucks but im not gona start an arguement over that.. but then my sister came home and said she was going out. to get wasted. so i have to go around her parety and work scedhule. im sorry for complaining but im just sick of it. i dont want to be appriciated. but i want to be fairly treeated. i cudve gona out last night cuz she came back home and is here this moring. which sucks. i cudve had a good time last night. but no. lifes too short to sit at home. i feel like i wasted one night. which to me is a lot.. and its not liek im out every weekday. maybe outside but im usually here. but whatever. im done and sorry for complaining. i just needed to vent and get it off of me.
but other then that carl called last night and i talked to him for a bit. and i think hes coming in this afternoon?/day? i duno. i just wana see him and have fun. but theres noting to do. sweet. and i feel responsible if hes bored and his friend cuz he has to drive him in llol. but whateveeee. i wana hang out with my friends. have a good time tongight too. but watch as none of them want to hang out with me..er say they do and forget about me.. op! oh well.

yeah.. x3

i just dont understand how 2 different groups of people can be so.. different. its annoying..
one group-so accepting
another group-so.. not accepting and i duno. it makes me question everything.